You Are Beautiful
I have something to confess…I have stretch marks on my thighs, I have freckles on every square inch of my body, I’m hairier than a Sasquatch and have to get everything waxed every 4 weeks, and my nose is profound.
You know what? I don’t give a fuck about any of that because I’m a beautiful fucking person. I’m not talking externally, but what I would rather look at internally to evolve as I get older. When I was in my early 20s, I was very critical and mean to myself and I even allowed loved ones to speak harshly to me about being “a little chubby.” Ok, I’ll be honest—I was fat and I was over 150 pounds at 5’2”; there, I said it. In medical terms, I was overweight. I lost over 35 pounds with diet and exercise and it took about a year because I wanted to do the transformation as organically as I could. No pills or any of that bullshit. Old-fashioned hard work is my motto for everything, including transforming my body. I haven’t stepped on a scale since my last doctor’s appointment in the fall of 2013 and I don’t plan on to until later this year when I see the same doctor again. That number does not benefit me because I know I’m strong, I eat correctly, I exercise 5 days a week, and that number is just a fucking number like age. It doesn’t mean shit.
I’ve observed many friends (including myself) possess unhealthy body image views and they go to extraordinary lengths to maintain a perfect body image, from starvation, to over exercising and even experimenting with bulimia. I’ve been very blessed to not cross the line into eating disorders, but I see eating disorders develop with people I know on a daily basis, and I want to grab them and tell them how beautiful they are and they need to let go of the bullshit story they keep telling themselves and see the beauty everyone else sees. Looking back, I wish I had been more kind to myself and not let anyone talk shit to me, even if they were a loved one. That’s what caused me to over exercise, and I know that now.
I am proud of you
When I see the overweight person practicing yoga, I am very proud of them because I know what it feels like to be “that person” in the back row, struggling like hell, but feeling like my life has changed after the final savasana. The next time you see that girl who looks a little frail or that overweight guy after or before class, say something NICE about how they look or that you noticed their standing bow looked awesome, I TRIPLE FUCKING DARE YOU! Do you know how that little bit of kindness and empowerment can change their inward perspective and their potential for loving themselves more?
For all those who gave me kind words, when I wanted to just be run over by an 18 wheeler, I THANK YOU! You kept me going. I don’t remember who all of you are but I appreciate and needed your words.